Just when we thought airline belt-tightening had soared to new heights of absurdity it appears some are dealing with yet another weighty problem: obesity. A Southwest Airlines captain’s refusal to fly a chubby Hollywood celeb hit the national newswires yesterday, and the event may be a bit more than passengers are willing to swallow.
Like many multi-million mile fliers I can testify to the airlines’ longstanding policy of customer contempt. The “charge more – give less” spiral reducing our air travel experience to little more than a third-world bus ride has been justified by everything from hefty oil prices to fat-cat union demands, despite US protectionism of American carriers from world-wide competition. Now carry-on baggage rules may define “lap top” in a whole new way, adding new insults to battered passengers as seat belts are reduced to Demi Moore proportions and downsizing takes on new dimensions. Are they entitled to set their own standards?
As a member of the over six-foot crowd I have obediently contorted over the years as leg room diminished to Lilliputian physiques, even as I’ve silently pondered the likelihood of emergency egress from a canon-ball position. Years ago I abandoned hope of retrieving anything that might fall on the airplane floor and still haven’t mastered the art of turning newspaper pages or brushing unfamiliar hairs from my lap. I once shared a scaled back FIrst-Class cabin with about ten members of the Chicago Bulls, but, alas, it was before a time when I could capture the gymnastics for posting on YouTube. Fortunately, the lofty have yet to be demonized by irritable airline staff, most probably by suffering in silence, but in light of recent events I fear we too are in jeopardy.
In all honesty, everyone fears the prospect of a three-hour flight on which “Jumbo” better describes the person in the neighboring seat than the aircraft, and reaching for your ear phones risks a charge of physical assault. We’ve all held our breath as the perspiring behemoth squeezing down the aisle stops at our row while blanketing another on each side and announces they’re in the window seat. No, it isn’t pleasant, but on the other hand it is a fact of life…people come in all sizes.
If the airlines have their way, it won’t be long before we have to pass through cardboard cutouts upon boarding, similar to the little boxes that now measure the size of our carry-on bags. I’m sure the airlines will never be held to account as a means of “public” transportation, suitable for all persons, and will instead root out and charge for every inconvenience under the ruse of customer safety. Instead we’ll be confronted with “fat-free flying” or “fat fly free” promos as pricing options during on-line booking, while the airlines continue to dictate their policies of customer selection. Next airlines will charge extra for handicapped passengers, or the aged who might move too slowly, or have a separate section for those failing the antiperspirant swab test. We already supply photo ID’s before boarding, soon they will be required before making a reservation to ensure we fit a “desirable” profile.
Frankly, I’ve lost my appetite for flying and my taste for all the hassles it involves. If they do start a weigh-in program I hope they do it at the security checkpoint, at least I’ll have my shoes off and will most likely be stripped down to my underwear. Given the competitive nature of business today, it must be nice to be in an industry that works at devising ideas to drive customers away.
Hey, now there’s a really good idea…driving!
